Dear daughter,

When you were born, I recall trying to ensure that your toys did not prescribe to any gender. I recall always being asked, while shopping for items, ‘is it for a boy or a girl’, and I would sometimes say, it’s just for my baby. Yet, I could not resist those groovy cute dresses and hair ribbons. You were proudly a girl; being one comes with its own traits.

When you were old enough to differentiate colours, your favourite was yellow. By the way, you did not like dolls. Another two years down the line, all you wanted was pink and barbie’s doll house – and the dolls.

This made me question the nature-nurture argument. By nurture, I tried not to emphasise the gender stereotypes, by nature, you were still drawn to girliness. Which was a good thing, as long as it was your choice.

Now, you are a little lady. You have often asked me why we do not hear of women heroes as much as we do of men heroes. I went on to do my homework in gathering these stories. Thank you for this insight! You have also asked me why is it usually mums attending school events. You once called me superwoman when you noticed it sometimes takes a day of eye-bags to get it all done. You have began to see and understand the world of gender. I do not have all the answers, but I would like you to keep sight of these 12 things:

  1. Embrace your girlhood;
  2. Express your girlhood;
  3. Your dreams are valid (cliche but true- because the world is often ready to make you think they are not);
  4. You do not need to do it all – do what you choose to do – well and unapologetically;
  5. You can love math;
  6. You can play football and still be a cool girl;
  7. You can love pink and still be strong-willed;
  8. People will often tell you how cute you are; remind them how smart you are;
  9. Do not shy away from asking for what you believe you deserve;
  10. You can cry; you can even wail – boys do too even if they do not always show it;
  11. Education is beyond school- discern what you trust is right;
  12. Live, laugh, love.

Oh! Did I ever tell you about the time I lived with my twin boy cousins. I was just 3 years old and I definitely did not think of myself in terms of what it might have meant to be a girl. We ran and fought and fell and got up to do it again. The state of my knees attest to this. How tenacious I was! Then I started formal education and almost everyday I was reminded that I was a girl – it was a verb; a way of doing things, rather than a biological identity. “Girls aren’t meant to be messy, girls don’t sit like that, girls don’t play rough, girls don’t forget to polish their shoes” (they so do!). Little by little, I lost much and became the girl the world wanted me to be. Luckily, I stayed as tenacious if not as ambitious. The good news is, you can relearn anything, you can remember who you were before the world told you who you should be. Something I am just beginning to do.

So all I wish for you is to stay who you already are. I will never ask you to change- so neither should the world. Let the fire inside you burn brighter than the fires around you.

With love,

mum.